"As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"...he Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely. “Are you serious?”She looked down, then back at me. “I think it would be fun… and I think you’d like it, too.”She was right, I would… I think. Part of me (the obvious part, about halfway down) would, but part of me would be freaked out of my mind. “When?” I asked her.“I don’t know. I’ll have to call Michelle, I guess. I know it can’t be next weekend. We start volleyball this week, practice starts tomorrow, in fact. And then we have that round-robin tournament next weekend, so it would have to. More

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