We were both looking at each other through the mirror on the side of the bed and enjoyed our own sight of coital fucking like two people gone wildest ...A few minutes later I changed her position and made my way to kiss her lips and her tits and slowly attempt a missionary pumping position. But she seemed somehow to enjoy the sideway position and let me have the freedom to fuck her anyways I wanted as long as she remained ‘sideways’. I licked her nipples in the fast and frenzied pumping of my. Where I should have been opening up to another human being, I remained a prisoner of my own self-imposed isolation, reveling in my own loneliness and isolation. I had become my own judge, jury and executioner. I knew nothing about grief or depression, yet I was dealing with unexpressed grief and I was clinically depressed. It was as if I deliberately decided to kill off a part of myself to make life bearable, to cut off the emotions that plagued my mind, never realizing I was cutting myself off. More

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