Son of a bitch! I woke up and my ass felt like it was on fire! I swore, "Banzai what in the fuck did you do to me?"Banzai came over, touched my arm an... said, "Jack, the piece of shrapnel in your ass hit an artery. I had to do surgery to close the bleeder."I vaguely remember the shrapnel and that I pulled it out of my ass but I was in a hell of a lot of pain so I continued the complaints, "Shit Banzai! Can't you give me something for pain?"Banzai leaned down and whispered, "Jack, the morphine. .. there's an ad for "Bear Removers."He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van.He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old dog."What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks."I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I'll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.When the bear falls off the roof, the dog is trained to grab his. More

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