I knew what was coming but I allowed her to continue and she asked if I would be willing to be a bit of a slave for a morning. I wasnt too sure howeve... she mentioned she would make sure id get something out of it all so I decided to let her. She looked really pleased that I had accepted and she kept going sayin she wouldnt be too rough since its the first time doing all this but she wants to be in control. She did however tell me if she got too rough to tell her and she would tone it down a. There’s a loneliness inside me that is eating away at me. Sometimes I wonder why I keep going on when it’s clear that my real life ended a few years ago. Then I decide that life is too interesting to just cut and run without a really good reason, and I don’t believe that there’s anything other than this life we have. Still, I think about suicide every day. It’s an impulse I constantly fight. I suppose eventually it will get the best of me. I walk home. It’s not long. I live about half a mile. More

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