Monday morning, I consulted with the alpha male sage of our mullet-sporting sub-group and he told me the straight dope on crashing through "the iron g...tes of life," with my sore-headed soda-can cock. The next time we met, I came equipped: a fire-engine red 76 Camaro, a four pack of peach wine coolers, a small jar of Vaseline I had liberated from my mom's medicine cabinet, and, most importantly, a raging erection. After a few drinks of the disgusting potent potables, we began our earnest quest. She had taken his earlier warning very literally, but considering how likely she was to drop things or break them, that was perhaps for the best. He certainly wanted to avoid a ‘bull in a china shop’ scenario.“Yes, you can touch them. You have stores back in Araxie, right? You understand the concept of buying and selling?”“The Patriarch provides us with what we need to live and to work, but we trade for unnecessary things.”“Do you use money?” he asked.“Money ... tokens that can be traded in. More

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