But like all things of this nature, lines were bound to be crossed at some point. Perhaps if we were not habitually terrible at being in relationships... it never would have happened. One night, after about two bottles of red wine, Nick and I were doing our usual bitching about our current relationships. She was too needy for him; mine was too insecure for me. “Jesus, Nick, I swear we’re just going to have to forget this whole dating thing and just fuck each other already,” I joked. “Tiff, you. I explore the heavy, icy collar locked around my neck. I find its padlock behind it. I try to prick my pin into its keyhole to pick it but to my dismay I realise that the water you have poured over my head has coated it inside a layer of ice. Frantically, I try to break this cold shell open but my strong nails find no purchase on it. I must melt the ice. I lift both arms and seize the padlock inside the cup of my hands behind my nape, hoping my own warmth will be sufficient to melt the ice. As. More

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