He asked some questions about my sex life, symptoms, whether I used condoms etc and I remember he wore latex gloves when he placed me in stirrups, leg... wide apart and mid-air. With a speculum he opened my vagina and examined me. He reassured me there seemed to be nothing to worry about and asked me to kneel on the bed with my backside in the air, my front bent down. What we now call the cat position in my Pilates class. His fingers went into me and he only probed and looked for a few seconds. Tosubmit. And what more submissive image is there than that of the FrenchMaid. I have the overwhelming desire to be raped by a domineering womanwhilst serving as her Maid, to experience total submission, freedom fromfeelings of guilt and responsibility. This is a bizarre and dangerousthing to desire but despite attempts to face it, like two years in aMonastery in Scotland, I felt the whole thing was too disturbing, so Itried to ignore it and get on with my life. It was a pretty lonelyexistence. More

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