I said Auntie Lee, I know this is crazy to ask, but I haven’t been with a girl in over 2 years. Is there any way you would consider having sex with ...e, I promise I won’t tell anyone. She immediately said “its about time, what took you so long, I was throwing you signal after signal”. She told my ha d and let me upstairs to her bedroom. I said what about my cousin. She said don’t worry, I’ll lock the door, and if he does ask where you are I’ll just tell him your helping me wrap Christmas. I 'ad a word with 'im Friday an' he told me to get stuffed. I told 'im that I'd tell the council. He told me to get stuffed again so I did. Nah! Not get stuffed but I went an' saw Mr Gardner, the local 'Ousing Manager an' 'e said they'd send round an Environmental 'Ealth Officer an' 'e'd record the noise an' if it was too loud 'e'd serve a notice on my neighbour. So I said serving a notice wouldn't do no bloody good. They'd 'ave to take 'is bloody machine away. 'E said they could do that too.. More

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