He was so logical in his approach to life that it was a relief to me, as I felt so much emotion that had no direction and being given a logical explan...tion for how I felt at times was exactly what I needed. But he was always withdrawn in some way. He didn’t trust me, even though I close to trusted him completely at an emotional level. In one letter I glimpsed the first real emotion – he talked about how much he loved his mother. I wished so much that that emotion, that love could be directed at. His arms hung at his sides and his heart beat rapidly, trying to fight the growing hollow feeling in his chest. ‘Remember your promise,’ she’d said. To her. For THEM. He was alone in the room, and he should have been getting dressed, but found himself immobilized. Because he didn’t feel he was alone. Even as Liz left he sensed their presence, it was them, and after she left the room they were still there with him, and he stood immobile, foolishly trembling, trying and failing to ignore that. More

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