Two women walk past and one shouts “if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat to a lady!” The bloke replies “if you weren’t so ugly the ...at would lift itself!”Me: “I can’t believe they’re back together after all that shit”. Wife: “Who?” Me: “My arse cheeks”“So let me get this straight” the prosecutor says to the defendant. “You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man”. “That’s correct” says the defendant. “Upon which” continues the prosecutor “you take out. You can dress the way you did your first month here. Tell your husband that you two are invited to my house to meet the deputy mayor tonight because I want you to meet some of the city officials we work with.’ I got up and said, ‘Mr. Ballard, I’m not sure Bill can make it. He goes to bed early because he gets up early.’ Ballard said, ‘I don’t think I said ask him, I said tell him. I want him there and that is final. Now get your ass out there and keep my boys happy.’ I turned, holding my. More

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