He could justgo get his boy clothes, take this stuff off, and tell her that hereally couldn't do this anymore; hell, if he were so inclined, he couldj...st go home and never talk to any of them about any of this everagain, even his sister. There was nothing, nothing at all, that couldprevent him from simply giving up and going home, sex and relationshipsbe damned. He recognized the feeling very well. He'd done such thingsbefore, on a much smaller scale. These flare-ups of unease and anxietywere. After she boarded the train, I sat in my pickup truck and came very close to tears. I wondered if I had told her enough times that I loved her. I wanted her to believe that she was the most important thing in the world to me, because she was.After the meeting at the church I stopped making plans. I’m not sure why her leaving had thrown me into an even deeper funk. It was much deeper than I imagined it could be. I was pretty sure I was in a state of clinical depression. I knew it, but I couldn’t. More

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