My friends were loyal enough. But, I have never been like the popular girls. Besides, my family had rules about dating and sex and marriage. "I'm savi...g that for my husband." You are engaged?"Again I laughed. Obviously not at my age. "Future husband. I won't be with a man until my wedding night." It was the thing my mother often said."So, being with a woman then? That's different right?"Where was this going? She seemed to lean close to me. "I've never been, I mean, never even thought..." But. (Ouch.)It was sad how quickly I had run out of ideas. Apparently, my (self-)love life had been a one trick pony – and now it was headed for the knacker’s yard.Thus, I was condemned to lie awake, my thoughts spiraling around that one out-of-reach goal like water around a drain, a numb sort of throbbing in my core, too deep inside and too small to reach it and – when I pictured Michael masturbating in the dark – too shy to come out and play.“Casey, are you listening?”I jerked out of my thoughts. More

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